When it comes to having a successful website, we all know it's all about getting the "hits." The more traffic you get the better. All the giants out there, the Classmates.coms and the Googles and the KaZaAs, they all get lots of traffic and they make a lot of money. You can have the flashiest flash on the Internet and if you aren't getting hits, you're website is worth less than my ex-wife. So how do you get the hits? With tactics... Traffic Tactics.
Put a strain on your autoresponder with the hot flow of leads!- Traffic Tactics
Seriously web-inclined people, this is the stuff fortunes are made of right here. Whether you've got a weblog or you run a chat room, whether you pedal prescriptions or run a legitimate website, you need hits! In just six volumes, Stef Grandgi will tell you how to "explode your sales volumes."
Traffic Tactics: Volume I might be my favorite volume of all! Not only is there a hot babe on the box, but Stef also breaks it down to 90 different things you need to do to get hits. After plowing through great sections like "knowing what you want," "be a skilled webmaster," and "be regular," you'll find that you possess 16 and 2/3% of the knowledge you need to increase your web traffic. If you want to follow through with the whole program and get those ever elusive hits, you're going to have to purchase Volumes II through VI. Some of the most important sections are yet to come!
Traffic Tactics Volume II: Fast Traffic Tactics has some killer sections like:
1.03 Know what is hot and happening
1.24 Use e-mails
1.28 Speed of replying
2.06 Scope for making a lot of money
3.23 Have valid permission
As you might have surmised from its cover graphics, Volume III: Long Term Traffic Tactics' is all about how to make oversized graphs and charts. Really big ones. I'm not giving too much away when I tell you that oversized graphs and charts put you on the fast track to hit city.
When it comes to the Internet, I can't tell you how important "The New Wave" is. But I don't have to, that's exactly what Volume IV is designed to teach you. You've probably heard people mumbling about YouTube and Facebook. Yeah, these sites are real! Learn all about them, what they do, and and how they can help you get hits.
Volume V of Traffic Tactics is really where it's at for me. Babes and money. This is where it's at. You've done the hard work. You've run the rat race, you've made the big charts and graphs, you've flirted with YouTube and done Facebook. Now it's time to sit back and enjoy the babes and the money. You're done working. You laid it all on the line, you got the hits, now all you have to do is worry about which babes you want and what to do with all that money. Congratulations.
Volume VI? Who the hell needs a Volume VI? Volume VI is like a consolation prize for everyone that didn't get the hits and didn't get the babes and the money. Under no circumstances should you need a Volume VI. Really, if it hasn't worked for you by the time you get through Volume V, give the Project Black Mask guys a call. Be careful though, those guys always creeped me out a little bit.
Written by Hesh Goldstein in Op-Ed.
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